Excerpted from Compassionate Communication™
By Liz Ayres
DON’T
- Don’t reason
- Don’t argue
- Don’t confront
- Don’t remind them they forget
- Don’t question recent memory
- Don’t take it personally
DO
- Give short, one sentence explanations
- Allow plenty of time for comprehension, then triple it
- Repeat instructions of sentences exactly the same way
- Eliminate “but” from your vocabulary, substitute “nevertheless”
- Avoid insistence – try again later
- Agree with them or distract them to a different subject or activity
- Accept the blame when something is wrong (even if it’s a fantasy)
- Leave the room, if necessary, to avoid confrontations
- Respond to the feelings rather than the words
- Be patient, cheerful, and reassuring
- Go with the flow
- Practice 100% forgiveness. Memory loss progresses daily
- My appeal to you: please elevate your level of generosity and graciousness
Don’t Reason
Patient:
“What doctor’s appointment? There’s nothing wrong with me.”
Don’t:
(Reason) “You’ve been seeing the doctor every three months for the last two years. It is written on the calendar and I told you about it yesterday and this morning.”
Do:
(Short explanation) “It’s just a regular check-up.”
(Accept blame) “I’m sorry if I forgot to tell you.”
Don’t Argue
Patient:
“I didn’t write this check for $500.00. Someone at the bank is forging my signature.”
Don’t:
(Argue) “What? Don’t be silly! The bank wouldn’t be forging your signature.”
Do:
(Respond to feelings) “That’s a scary thought.”
(Reassurance) “I’ll make sure they don’t do that.”
(distract) “Would you help me fold the towels?”
Don’t Confront
Patient:
“Nobody’s going to make decisions for me. You can go now… and don’t come back!”
Don’t:
(Confront) “I’m not going anywhere and you can’t remember enough to make your own decisions.”
Do:
(Accept blame or respond to feelings) “I’m sorry this is a tough time.”
(Reassurance) “I love you and we’re going to get through this together.”
(Distract) “You know what? Don has a new job. He’s really excited about it.”
Don’t Question Recent Memory
Patient:
“Hello Mary. I see you’ve brought a friend with you.”
Don’t:
(Question memory) “Hi Mom. You remember Eric don’t you? What did you do today?”
Do:
(Short explanations) “Hi Mom. You look wonderful. This is Eric. We work together.”
Don’t Take it Personally
Patient:
“Who are you? Where is my husband?”
Don’t:
(Take it personally) “What do you mean – who’s your husband? I am!”
Do:
(Go with the flow, reassurance) “He’ll be home for dinner.”
(Distract) “How about some milk and cookies? Would you like chocolate chip or oatmeal?”